After a bleak holiday season last year, this year’s Thanksgiving was supposed to the be THE Thanksgiving we were all dreaming about. Last year, we sacrificed, had smaller meals, or even skipped meals altogether. Many of us were separated from our families. It sucked but we all thought it was temporary. After all, the election was over by this point in 2020 and there was already news about a vaccine just around the corner. And yet here we are in 2021. I can’t be the only one that feels that this year the vibes are still…off.
This year it seems we are all collectively in a fog. Even the food magazines, for whom Thanksgiving is basically the Superbowl, are saying we should phone it in this year (“Quit hunting for that barely-used roasting pan - This year we’re keeping it simple,” reassures Bon Appetit, “Thanksgiving is not a Michelin-starred meal,” says Martha Stewart Living). Yes, things are technically much better, but people are still having to hand wring about each and every indoor gathering. At this point, more logistical consideration is given to a holiday gathering in Omaha than both our entry to and exit from Afghanistan. Adding to the pandemic fatigue is the general apprehension surrounding rising prices, Oreo shortages, and the fact that gathering with your family this holiday means you’re going to have to make the Sophie’s choice of either listening to Uncle Roy’s analysis of the supply chain ( a concept which he only just learned about but is somehow an expert on), or your college-age cousin convince you to buy Shiba (a concept which he only just learned about and still really has no idea what it is).
People are frustrated. We have all seen the videos of people having to be ducktaped to their seats on airplanes. I, for one, have enough fear of these people to say maybe we should have a whole day dedicated to hitting the pressure valve on the proverbial InstantPot we collectively find ourselves in (speaking of InstantPot, the one you ordered isn’t getting in before Christmas). Those of us not going absolutely insane can tsk tsk all we want while clutching on to our gratitude journals, but deep down, we know they ugly truth. Deep down we are a little bit jealous.
What if there was a day where we were allowed to say what we really think?
What if there was a day, just one day, where we were allowed to be our disgusting, animal selves?
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you NOFUGSGIVING.*
If you’ve ever seen the movie the Purge, the premise is similar, but instead of murder, it’s a day where we as a culture are allowed to blow off steam without consequences. It’s a day to allow yourselves to openly hate both your neighbors that refuse to wear a mask in a 10 second crowded elevator ride as well as the sanctimonious strangers who side eye you when you don’t wear a mask at a public outdoor dog park.
It’s plainly obvious that America is spiritually sick. I’m not knocking taking time to be thankful. Being thankful is a good thing! But there is such a thing as being too grateful to the point where we repress everything that frustrates us about the modern age. There is this uniquely American obsession with optimism (some call it toxic positivity) at the expense of allowing ourselves to just feel things. It’s the same sick culture that encourages us to keep gratitude journals as form of mental healthcare. It’s the sick culture that has made us collectively obsessed with Ted Lasso. It’s the sick culture that tells us that you should be thankful to be able to make a down payment on a frozen Butterball since you’ve freed up the cash you were saving for the house you can no longer afford. For as much talk these days as there is about mental health, I wonder sometimes why we can’t admit that the only human and normal and healthy reaction to the world right now is to be batshit crazy. Nofugsgiving is the day we allow ourselves to admit that everything is not okay.
Like Thanksgiving, Nofugsgiving centers around a meal. But unlike the trappings of Thanksgiving food traditions, on Nofugsgiving, you have permission to eat like the disgusting animal you are, Spirited Away style. On Nofugsgiving, you can eat all the garbage you don’t allow yourself to shovel into your mouth the other 364 days in the year. I, for one, will have a buffet of the finest selection of neon orange industrial cheese byproduct snacks - Cheetos, Goldfish (of the “Flavor Blasted” variety), cheese popcorn from pharmacy holiday tins, and all fifty varieties of Cheezits. On Nofugsgiving, I want my dining table to have a mountain of cheese dust so big Tony Montana would be impressed. You have permission to eat that “Family-style” meal all for yourself on Nofugsgiving (you’re your own family now!). Host a hot dog eating contest for your holiday meal. Go ahead, deep fry that turkey inside and let the whole thing burn down (Note: don’t actually do this).
When it comes to the guest list, you can only invite the people you can tolerate. If that means you invite no one over? Congrats! You’ve really embraced the spirit of Nofugsgiving. Gone is the obligation to cater to you guest’s every preference. Is your sister’s boyfriend now following a Keto diet? Well, I’m not inviting him or his cooler of chicken breasts to my industrial cheese byproduct buffet and neither should you! Once you have gathered the 0-3 people on this Earth that don’t make you want to set the world on fire, you and your guests should link hands, bow your heads, and, instead of saying grace, let out a deep, primal, guttural scream in unison. I’m sure God understands.
While I like that Thanksgiving doesn’t revolve around gifts, I think Nofugsgiving should have something. Easter and Halloween have candy. Christmas and Hanukkah have presents. On Nofugsgiving you get one consequence free “F$@k YOU” to bestow upon anyone you please. You must use it judiciously, let’s say to a busybody colleague or the neighbor that doesn’t clean up his dog’s poop. I am a member of very active HOA Whatapp group that will likely be the recipient of my Nofugsgiving gift this year.
I hope, dear readers, that this Nofugsgiving season gives all of you the catharsis you need to survive the rest of the year. May you spend your Nofugsgiving as liberated from social constraints as a Real Housewife just released from prison for tax fraud. More than anything, I hope that this holiday season we finally let go of the expectation that we have to be happy and grateful all the time. To Nofugsgiving, I raise my glass, and my middle finger.
*I went back and forth a lot over whether to write the word out. Ultimately, I do have a professional obligation to hold myself to a certain minimum level of decorum when conducting myself in public. And while it feels like a cop out and not in the spirit of the holiday…ya’ll don’t pay my bills.
**Mom, I am ok. This is all in good fun and is not a cry for help. And yes, you would be invited to my Nofugsgiving as long as you bring the flan.
What to make when you have TGiving leftovers
Recipe: Thanksgiving 2go Empanadas
These empanadas were born one year when I hosted a Friendsgiving but realized I had very little experience with most traditional Thanksgiving food. My compromise was fitting a “traditional” Thanksgiving meal into an empanada. They were a hit, and a Thanksgiving tradition was born. You can make these with leftovers the day after Thanksgiving and bake or freeze them, but I also think they are a great addition to any Friendsgiving meal, as they travel well and can be made ahead.
Ingredients
10 frozen empanada disks. Any will do, but the best results will be with ones designed specifically for baked empanadas (“para hornear”)
3/4 cup shredded leftover turkey OR diced deli turkey breast
3/4 cup craisins
3/4 prepared and/or leftover stuffing
1 egg
Gravy (optional, for dipping)
Preheat oven according to package instructions (if the package says nothing, heat to 400). Put 1 tablespoon each of the turkey, craisins, and stuffing into the center. Depending on the size of the disks, you may have room for about a tablespoon more of whatever your favorite component is. Crimp the edges with a fork. Make sure to keep the shaped empanadas separated with wax or parchment paper, as the moisture from the disks will make them stick together.
In a small bowl, mix egg with a tablespoon of water. Brush on empanadas and bake according to package instructions, or for about 15-20 minutes until golden. Let cool for at least 10 minutes. Serve with gravy on the side for dipping.
Note: you can assemble these through step one and freeze for up to 3 months, always keeping the empanadas separated with wax or parchment paper. To bake, just brush with egg wash straight from the freezer and bake for about 35 minutes, until golden brown.
Hits - Thanksgiving Edition
Instead of my normal roundup of what I’ve made and read, I figure this month I should provide a list of Thanksgiving recipes I have made in the past and recommend. All of these are delicious, look great on a table, and are not particularly difficult to execute.
Spiced and Glazed Roast Turkey: This turkey comes out juicy and flavorful, but best of all its super simple to roast because you roast in pieces. No special equipment, no hovering over the oven all day, no losing a finger trying to carve a turkey. Even if you don’t do the seasoning (though I highly recommend you do), the method alone makes the recipe worth it.
Hasselback Potato Gratin: If your family can’t decide between creamy potatoes and crispy potatoes, this potato gratin covers all your bases, PLUS cheese. These have been a recurring dish at my family’s Thanksgiving table over the last couple of years, and if you have a mandonline at home, it not a particularly difficult dish to make considering how elegant the final product looks.
Fall Salad: Perhaps some of you also come from a “salad is just decoration” family. This salad, with roasted squash, goat cheese, pomegranate and pumpkin seeds, might make you actually want to eat salad on Thanksgiving. I don’t know if we’re supposed to like Chrissy Teigen or not anymore, but I have to give her props for this salad.
Cornbread Stuffing - My family doesn’t usually do a bread stuffing (we do a picadillo stuffing instead), but I have made this recipe and loved the custardy texture with the extra corny flavor. It’s unconventional, but really delicious and would probably make a great morning after breakfast casserole as well.
Apple Galette - It almost seems dumb to recommend dessert considering everyone already has their die hard traditions, but I really enjoy both making and eating this Galette (it’s originally from Cook’s Illustrated, but I found this reprint that isn’t behind a paywall). I’m not great at pastry, but even I can make this look like it came out of a fancy French bakery. It relies on a technique called frisage with involves essentially scraping the butter and flour across your countertop to create streaks of butter in the dough that will turn into amazing air pockets when baked, leaving you with a wonderfully flaky but toothsome pastry. It’s a surprisingly forgiving dough.
If you enjoyed this month’s newsletter, please pass it along to someone you think might enjoy it. I write this for fun and have really loved the conversations it’s sparked with readers, many whom I’ve never met! As always, thanks for reading. See you in December.
Great read! I envy your "industrial cheese byproduct buffet."😂 Alas, no Cheetos here in France. Those empanadillas look lovely, you have inspired me to do the same this year. Happy Nofuggsgiving✌🏼